Tag Archives: opinion

No Gray Area

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Too often, people make things that should be black-and-white into a gray area. There’s absolutely no excuse, for instance, for cheating on a significant other— but of course people continue to justify and excuse the behavior of their darling cheaters so that they can stay in relationships with people who don’t respect them enough to remain monogamous. And there’s never a single instance where rape is not a heinous, vicious crime, but some people still continue to insist that its victims “ask for it.”

And then, of course, domestic violence. It’s such a simple concept. People in relationships do not hit each other. Period.

At least, that’s the way it should be. But people stay with abusers all the time. People at all levels of society stay with violent partners—everyone from teenage mothers on welfare to wives of professional baseball players.

So while it’s not exactly news that people stay with abusive partners, this particular case of it is. While the Phillies were in town this past summer, pitcher Brett Myers was seen beating his wife Kim on the streets of Boston. But this past week, the charges were dropped. Kim didn’t want him to be prosecuted.

I have yet to decide what the most disturbing part of this is:

1. That she’s going back to a man who has no qualms about hitting her on the street in front of people, so God knows what he does to her behind closed doors

2. That the statements of the people who witnessed the incident, and who were only trying to help, can be completely disregarded because Kim told the courts, “”There’s no violence in our family. That night in Boston we had both been drinking. I was not harmed that night. I was not injured.”

3. That the Phillies actually let him pitch the day after he was arrested

4. That Brett’s comment after his arrest was, “I’m sorry it had to go public. That’s it. Of course, it’s embarrassing.” (Because, you know, it’s perfectly fine when it’s in private and you’re not surrounded by pesky reporters trying to humiliate you.)

5. That Brett and Kim Myers have two young children who are going to have to continue to grow up in a home where their dad hits their mom

I know that it’s easy to say from the outside looking in that domestic violence is unforgivable and that violent partners should get no second chances. But the truth is, people often see only what they want to see in their significant others. We overlook incompatibilities that could destroy our relationships. We tell ourselves that just because he says he doesn’t want a girlfriend doesn’t mean we can’t be the exception. We rationalize that we must have done something that led to him sleeping with that other woman—it can’t be entirely his fault.

I realize that none of these things are equivalent with spousal abuse, but think of it this way: if we keep raising our tolerance level within relationships, how long is it before we’re claiming we walked into a door again? If we can justify someone battering our feelings, how is tolerating physical abuse any different?

I’m not too familiar with the Phillies, so I don’t know how popular a player Myers was before this incident, but I sincerely hope that his fans no longer support him. I love the Red Sox (and I love the fact that Gabe Kapler and his wife, who was a victim of dating violence in a previous relationship, work to raise awareness of the dangers of domestic abuse), but I know that if I found out that one of the Sox was beating his wife, I’d hate him. I wouldn’t care if he could break the home run record or win the Cy Young Award. As a fan, I deserve better. Fans deserve players they can admire for playing well and for conducting themselves professionally on and off the field.

But I can’t get out of my head the image I saw on the news of Kim Myers leaving the courtroom. She was wearing a white pinstriped suit and looking straight ahead, her posture stiff as a board. I think she was aiming to look strong and dignified, but all I could think of was how tiny she looked next to her husband, a former amateur boxer who, according to his bio, is six-foot-four and 234 pounds.

And it’s scary to think that Kim Myers is just one of millions of women who stay with abusers. What do they think they deserve?

Experience Freedom: Read a Banned Book (In Celebration of Banned Books Week)

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My dream is that one day, I’ll write a book and it will be banned.

I’m serious. I can’t think of a better way to honor my writing. It’ll put me in good company. The Harry Potter books, The Giver, Bridge to Terabithia, To Kill a Mockingbird, and A Wrinkle in Time have also been banned.

What else do these books have in common? They’ve been banned for all sorts of reasons—swearing, violence, sex, contradiction to religious beliefs (because, you know, flying on a broom and wearing an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter is possible and everything).

But the other thing they have in common is that they all get kids to think.

When I was a sheltered suburban kid, books were how I learned about the world. Number the Stars and Freedom Crossing taught me about the parts of history we wish had never happened. I’d never thought seriously about modern-day racism until I read books about it, like Iggie’s House and certain Baby-Sitters Club books. If I had a problem, like having a fight with my friends or being teased by the popular kids, I’d seek out a book with a protagonist going through the same thing. I even learned about menstruation after reading the word in a book and asking my mom what it meant.

The fact is, books, unlike TV and movies and videogames, can never be called mindless entertainment. The fact that they do get kids to think is undeniable. The books I’ve mentioned that have been banned get them to think about concepts like good and evil and the importance of choice. About serious issues like death and violence and racism. Sometimes just about the possibility of a world other than the one they live in. And because they can’t physically see the story they’re reading unfold, using their imaginations isn’t an option.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying that parents don’t have the right to tell their kids they can’t read something they don’t feel is appropriate. I’m also not saying they should. What I am saying is that parents shouldn’t take away another kid’s right to read a good book just because they don’t want their kids reading something with swears (because all kids learn bad words from books) or homosexuality (because their own kids will never meet a gay person in real life) or sex (because there isn’t any other way a kid would possibly be exposed to sexual content) or anything else that they could, you know, just talk to their kids about.

And why won’t they talk to their kids about uncomfortable things? Because they want their kids to go on thinking the world is perfect? Because they don’t want their kids to know that there are people with different viewpoints?

Sadly, there are many people like this in the world. Just check out this web site. On one part of this site, people review movies and TV shows from a Christian perspective, and basically, if it’s not VeggieTales or The Passion of the Christ, someone is offended by it, whether it’s because there’s some vague implication of “magic” (which always means the devil) or because a brother and sister are fighting (which, you know, siblings never do in real life).

I should mention that my first sentence isn’t just idle talk. I actually did write a young adult novel for my senior thesis in college, which I’m currently editing so I can send it to an agent. It’s a book that deals with some serious issues and has some swearing in it. And honestly, while I’d love for it to be challenged, I wouldn’t love for it to be banned, because that would mean that overzealous parents had successfully kept my book out of the hands of kids other than their own.

So I think what I really wish is that a kid whose parents don’t want her to read my book will read it anyway—and think about what I have to say.