I don’t quite know how to articulate what I’m feeling right now.
Sorry for how emo this sounds, but…do you ever feel like you’re doing everything wrong and can’t figure out how to get it right? Like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t with the choices you make? Like you made a mistake somewhere in your past that it’s too late to go back and fix or apologize for? Like you want to tell people how you feel but know that doing so will cause more problems than it will solve?
Yeah, you probably do. God knows that’s how I feel right now. And things really aren’t bad—I’m training for another half-marathon, chorus just started up again (and we’re singing Vivaldi’s Gloria in D, which I love), I’ve been doing a lot of fall baking (pumpkin tartlets, baked apples), and I like my job, although it certainly has its good days and its bad days.
But right now I just have this awful feeling of loneliness, in terms of both friendship and romance…and the even worse feeling that knows that the feeling of loneliness is entirely my fault.