Almost the end of the year- and the decade. (Did we ever settle on a name for the decade that’s about to end?) My mom and my sister and I have decided that the last few days of the year are like Mardi Gras—you spend them indulging in all the bad habits you want to give up in the new year. So the past few days have been spent eating junk, not exercising, staying up too late, not getting writing done, watching too many reruns of 90s sitcoms, and bringing work home with me.
2009 was an interesting year for me. Outwardly, it doesn’t look like a lot changed or anything monumental happened. I’m still single, I still have the same job, and I still have the same apartment with the same roommates. But internally, a lot changed for me. As you remember, I started the year feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not long after that, I started experiencing symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder—something I’d experienced in the past but hadn’t expected to return. That pretty much dominated the early months of 2009. Eventually I realized that I needed help and started seeing a therapist, which has helped a lot. I’ve had some personal epiphanies and gotten better at being able to talk myself out of irrational worry.
I am still single, but I’ve made way more progress on that front than in any previous year. I don’t know if it’s my increased confidence or if I’m just meeting better guys, but most of the dates I went on this past year were not horrible. Even if they were dates with guys with whom I didn’t want to pursue relationships, they gave me hope that a relationship could be in my future.
I have the same job, which I still love. I did, in 2009, apply unsuccessfully for two jobs within my company that I didn’t get. The second time, I came very close to getting a job that a lot of people applied for, which was encouraging (although the long interview process left me kind of drained). But my mindset, when it comes to work, has improved a lot in the last year.
I had a lot of fun this year, too. Continued to sing in the Somerville Community Chorus, took a terrific Grub Street class that encouraged me to continue what I’m writing, had some drinks with friends, had some drinks with colleagues, sang some karaoke, went to some fun parties, joined my company softball team, which was a lot of fun even though I sucked and we lost most of our games. Saw some good movies, listened to some good music, watched some good TV, and read a lot of good books, which will probably warrant their own post.
I feel more secure in my friendships than I have in a long time. I’ve had a lot of neurotic doubts about my relationships with friends, which I’ve documented here, but I feel like with every day that goes by, I’m more convinced that people are more alike than different, and that most people are worth getting to know, and that those who are kind outnumber those who are unkind. Not to be cheesy and quote a ten-year-old movie or anything, but “it’s hard to be angry when there’s so much beauty in the world.”
And not to become one of those people who prefaces everything with “my therapist says,” but my therapist recommended making a list of ten goals for the new year—just ten, which for a compulsive list-maker like me isn’t many. I’m not going to say what they are, but check back here in a year and I’ll let you know if I’ve achieved them.
I’m hopeful about the new year and the new decade. I think it’s going to be a great one.